This year started well.

I woke up on January 1st feeling ready. While the house was still quiet, I spent some time reading and praying.

At 9am I met my brother, dad and friend for a polar bear plunge. We jumped into the frigid waters of Olalla Bay.

After that I spent time in my dad's sauna, chatting about life and the year ahead.

Later in the day, I took about four hours to go through the YearCompass practice. It was helpful to spend time both reflecting and looking forward.

Overall, I'm grateful for how 2025 began and don't take it for granted.

If only 2021 had started like that...

I'd entered that year in the middle of one of the most difficult periods of my life.

It was December 2020 (I think around the 18th of the month) and rain was pounding the roof. At some point between 2am and 3am that night, my eyes blinked open.

Something was wrong.

I was lying in bed totally still. It was dark. Kirsten was asleep next to me. All seemed normal, but by heart was pounding.

THUMP....THUMP...THUMP.

It wasn't rapid, it was just powerful. I could feel my heart beat through my entire body. It felt like I was being shaken.

I tried to ignore it. I tossed and turned. Nothing worked.

I got out of bed, went into the living room, and started googling. Let me just say, bleary-eyed readings of WebMD aren't a great idea at 4am.

My symptoms led me to the worst conclusion: I might be having a heart attack.

I sat on the couch, staring into nothing.

Should I wake my wife up? The first question that popped into my head surprised me. Is this real? Should I be worried? Do I have a will? My mind was racing...and my heart kept pounding.

I laid down on the living room floor, closed my eyes, breathed in deep.

'God, protect me' I muttered.

Eventually, after a couple hours of near panic, I crept back into bed and tried, without much success, to sleep for a couple hours.

The morning was dark and it matched my thoughts.

I was worried and wanting answers...I mean, what WAS that?

Unfortunately, that was only the beginning of the trouble. While that next day seemed mostly normal, the next few months were terrible.

My heart issues persisted. I was convinced something was wrong with me, and yet Visits to the cardiologist were unfruitful.

'Your heart looks fine. Your blood pressure and cholesterol are a bit high though, so you should get those in order'.

And so I did.

I stopped drinking coffee, fatty foods, alcohol, cut my salt intake to 'food doesn't taste good anymore, and began to work out.

None of it helped.

My body felt better, I felt lighter. I lost 20 pounds in 1 month.

And yet at random and at night, when all I wanted was rest, I would feel the THUMP...THUMP...THUMP begin again.

In fact, it had gotten worse. It was now keeping me up most of the night. And even when it didn't start, I laid still, dreading it, hoping I'd be OK.

Insomnia began. I could hardly sleep and nothing seemed to help.

On one particularly bad stretch, during a trip down to Bend, Oregon, that was supposed to help me relax, I broke.

After four days of hardly any sleep, I felt myself caving in. I was trying everything, trying so hard. I could handle this!

I decided to go on a long walk by myself. I put my boots on and wandered out into a cold, snowy morning.

About 5 minutes into the walk, I began weeping. Slowly at first, and then uncontrollably.

The long walk turned into a small hike up a mountain. I kept going and going. Arguing with God in my head. Frustrated at my weakness and lack of answers.

It was on that hike, sometime in late January or early February, that I saw more clearly what I was dealing with.

Business had stolen my soul.

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to share more of this story. It's a big part of who I am today and how I think about business, life, faith, and more.

I learned a lot about myself over those months and hope something I experienced will bless you (or maybe someone you know).